It all started with Greek yogurt.

The stuff looks disgusting.
Honestly.
I hear rants and raves "Ohh Greek yogurt with honey is delicious I adore it" "Aahh have you tried it yet? It's so good for you I want to poo myself" etc etc (Okay, so they didn't say they were going to poo themselves but you understand how I felt in those situations).
Like the majority of early 20s females trying to get a handle on their lives I hear the word "healthy" and figure I may as well try it out- once again, like the majority of women my age there is a good 10-15lbs (*ahem* More like 50 or so, once again being honest will be the death of me) I could do without; so why not? Let's see if this Greek yogurt phenomenon is up to the poo-raving reviews.

Henceforth, the very next time the fiance' and I were traversing the large warehouse that is known as a SuperTarget over in Vista (the nicer one- Oceanside's Target isn't finished and therefore stresses me out when I go to the cat food section and see baby clothing and a large white sheet) we see the Dairy section and I bring up the idea of trying Greek yogurt. and Fiance, being the beautifully amazing man that he is, shrugged with a smile and threw two containers into the cart: Fage (pronounced "Fa-yeh!") with honey, and Chobani with fruit-on-the-bottom (Strawberry, of course).

Today as I explored how many jobs are not open to me currently (more on my unemployment at a later date, we've got a movie to catch soon) and the fiance tried to reason with Dell as to why his computer continues to "shock" him (I refuse to touch it, I have an extreme fear of things shocking me. I won't even touch my tongue to a 9-volt battery, much less touch his computer to see if he's nuts about it shocking him or not) we wanted a snack and I remembered the Greek yogurt.

...

It's...odd.

That's the best way I can explain the sensation of Greek-strained yogurt.

The Chobani with strawberries looked precisely like white phlegm complete with red chunks, as if you needed to go to the doctor's to see what the fuck was up with your lungs. It was chunky yet when placed in the mouth you couldn't tell which parts were chunky and others weren't. It was a thick consistency but overall kind of good in a "what the fuck" kind of way. The fiance liked it- his opinion given via nods and raised eyebrows (he was still on the phone with Dell).

The Fage yogurt (plain with honey) was completely werid; and I did not like it. The honey comes in a smaller container attached to the bigger container of yogurt, so I had no idea how to get said honey into the yogurt in the first place. I ended up dipping our spoon into the honey and drizzling it over the yogurt until there was a layer of honey atop of this Greek phenomomon. I was going to stir it together because it was clearly impossible to take a bite of yogurt without first having to eat an entire spoonful of the honey- I like sweets but that made my teeth ache just looking at the idea- then I saw the labeling on the side asking that the yogurt not be stirred.
Whaat the hell?
Okay..
Trying to be good and follow directions I dove the spoon into the yogurt to taste it, and sure enough my teeth stung at how sweet my spoonful of honey/teeny bit of yogurt was. I gave the Fiance a scoop of the same and he stared at me while he chewed/whatever you do when there is a giant flop of honey in your mouth in a non-sexual way in a rather confused look. He was put on hold and asked "Wait, this is supossed to be healthy? All I got was honey, I think" while loud elevator music played dully from his speakerphone. I shrugged & tried another bite of simply yogurt.
It was like eating a giant spoonful  of sour cream.
But not as flavorful.
It reminded me of slightly sour sour cream and I made a face that caused slight concern to the man sitting next to me. "I am not eating that if you made that face."
"You need to try it."
"I did try it, it tasted like honey. Then you made that face. Game over."
"Don't be a pussy."
With a sigh he opened his mouth and I spooned in a small amount of the plain yogurt. The face he made was more thoughtful than mine; with a slow nod that he could eat it again.

Granted, the man could eat a cardboard box if he felt so inclined.

From then to the end of the small carton I attempted to get a slightly less amount of honey compared to yogurt in order to try and understand what the big deal of Greek yogurt with honey was.
I have figured out the big deal of Greek yogurt with honey.

The big deal is that it tastes like sour cream gone slightly 'round the bend.

Except if you have strawberries in it. And even then, just don't look at it. It looks disgusting; but is slightly more palatable. 

Possibly this shit could be used in it's plain kind of gross form as a substitute for normal yogurt or sour cream to thicken sauces, or could be used in a smoothie, but just mask the flavor. For the love of god, mask it.

***
During this entire ordeal, I thought "Hm, I think it's be fun to start a blog again." And so here I am, typing away while my roommates discuss the best way to attack the mall today- it's a Saturday, none of us really enjoy the mall per sae, but I am in desprate need of clothing that is not khaki colored (I'll explain my khaki wardrobe at a later date).

I am a monster. Not a terrible, bone squishing, rude commenting disgusting monster.
Just a monster, attempting to make her way in the world.
These are the experimental monster files.